Difficult Conversations4 min read

How to Address Performance Issues with Empathy: Manager's Guide

You have been avoiding it. The missed deadlines, the dropped balls, the conversations you have had in your head a dozen times. Now you have to actually say it out loud — and you need to do it in a way that preserves their dignity while being clear about what needs to change.

The reply

Subject: Check-in

Dear [Employee's Name],

I would like to schedule some time to talk about how things are going. I have noticed a few areas where I think we can work together to get you back on track, and I want to make sure we address them early.

This is not a disciplinary conversation — it is a support conversation. My goal is to understand what is getting in the way and figure out how I can help.

Are you available for [30 minutes] on [day]?

[Your Name]

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During the conversation:

"I want to talk about something that has been on my mind. I have noticed [specific behavior or output] over the past [timeframe]. For example, [specific instance].

I am bringing this up because I believe in your potential here, and I want to make sure you have what you need to succeed.

Can you help me understand what might be contributing to this? Is there something I can do to support you better?"

[Listen. Then:]

"Here is what I would like to see change: [specific expectation]. Let us set a timeline of [timeframe] and check in [frequency]. Does that feel reasonable?"

Why this works

It frames the conversation as support because when someone hears they are underperforming, their first instinct is defensiveness — 'I want to help' disarms that before it starts.
It uses specific examples because 'you need to do better' is cruel in its vagueness; naming exactly what you observed makes the problem solvable.
It asks for their perspective because nobody wants to be talked at — inviting them into the conversation turns it from a verdict into a collaboration.
It ends with a clear agreement because ambiguity creates anxiety; knowing exactly what is expected and when you will check in gives them a path forward.

Different tones

If the issue is serious

"I need to be direct with you. [Specific behavior] has fallen below the standard we need, and it is affecting [specific impact].

I want to be clear: this is serious, but it is also fixable. I am committed to helping you turn this around.

Here is what needs to change: [specific expectation]. We will check in [frequency] to review progress. If we do not see improvement by [date], we will need to discuss next steps.

I believe you can do this. Let us figure out how."

Common mistakes to avoid

1.Waiting too long — address issues early before they become patterns.
2.Being vague — 'you need to do better' is not actionable.
3.Making it personal — focus on behavior, not character.
4.Not documenting — write a brief summary after the conversation for both of you.